Since race is an everyday topic of my life, I am choosing to write about it today. I wish I had the luxury of not thinking about it. I hope to some day find a place that it would not be an issue but I doubt it. Today I was perusing a blog I’ve been digging and I came across a post the author wrote that made me really self reflective. You may have to read the post to understand my response. So here is is:
I know this was a joke in all but the story you wrote was very thought provoking for me for three reasons. The first being that we are from the same city and just like in many parts of the US… Florida, Michigan, and California etc. … as you know racism is a huge issue. (My sis just shared with me the story about Leon Ford Jr. and it makes my heart sad, it also re-enforces my decision to leave the Burgh) So when you said you fell in love with a White woman combined with my childhood experiences with racism I have to admit I felt a twinge of disappointment. I was a little confused too because I thought I seen an earlier post of you and your girl who (I thought) is Black but I digress. The first thought I had in my head after reading the title was another Good Very Smart Brotha Bites the DUST. Sad I know but that’s what I felt. Call it insecurity and issues with rejection because that’s what they are; I am just being honest about what I was feeling.
My second observation after that was guilt. Why couldn’t I just be happy for you and your vanilla lady. I do believe that love is colorless yet I guess concerning Black men with White women I am not as sure about how I should be feeling. What I do know is that I have no issue with interracial love. I have biracial family members whom I love very much. Some of my childhood best-friends are White and I currently have friends that are in interracial marriages. (And no they are not token friendships!) So why should I even care about race or whoever Black men are choosing to spend their lives with?
If I am truly honest with myself, then my truth is this, my feelings are really about me wanting to marry a Black man. I want to have healthy Black babies (which they will be because I am Black, lol). I remember playing with my Christie doll and her man was Keith not Ken. I don’t think a White man would be able to reassure me that he would keep our kids safe or that we would be able to teach and prepare our son for interactions with the police or other encounters racism. (Although Bill De Blasio has challenged this thought…) This is just my preference but I also feel like Black men need to step it up in regards to being more forthcoming of their feelings in relationships. Then again maybe that is an overall man issue.
Side bar: I’ve just recently started visiting your site because I fell in love with the piece you wrote on How Black People Feel. So I know I am back tracking in the comments.
Thirdly, I have to constantly remind myself that before I left home I knew, was friends with and worked with authentically good White people. Unfortunately, race will always be an issue in America because she doesn’t want to acknowledge her history and racism is so ingrained in the formation of this country I think we will be dealing with this issue until Christ returns. I must say this though by the end of you piece, before your sign off, I was rooting for you and your fiancé. Just thought I’d share my thoughts and I think I am going to post this on my blog. Thanks for the inspiration!
What I’m still trying to figure out… A friend of mine asked me if God didn’t have plans for me to marry a Black man then what? I couldn’t fathom the thought, I never thought about dating outside my race but I didn’t think I had a problem with Black men in IR relationships. So I guess I have more growing to do and I have been thinking about why I hold the preferences I do or perhaps I am just over thinking as usual.
Until Next Time…