So this is very challenging for me to share because I am a private person but I realize that sharing can be empowering and I am always down for empowerment through truth. A person, most likely a young lady reached out to Shannon Boodram a popular youtube vlogger I follow. She is very entertaining and is never afraid to discuss any topic. She also has a new web segment called Logic vs. Magic and last week’s post she answered a viewer’s question on how to be confident in being a virgin. This piqued my interest because I am a confident 30 year old virgin.
That’s wasn’t too hard to write. I’m sure someone will read this and feel like I lack discretion or that by sharing this info I’m in some way trying to make myself appear as though I’m better than someone who hasn’t waited (because that has been the perceived notion and tone in our society towards virgins) but I am not writing this to put anyone down. I’m writing this because our society lately makes sex a necessity and virginity a joke.
ex. 40 Year Old Virgin Only ten more years to go…
Well, I’m here to tell you paying rent is a necessity, food and water is a necessity and knowing why you are abstaining is a necessity.
Again I say this not as a put down piece for those who are sexually active. It seems like for those who haven’t waited, my decision offends them (and it’s usually men). I have definitely heard a mélange of things from guys who were just trying to get their sexual urges met. I mean I’ve had my sexual preference questioned, been called weird and hung up on, etc.. And yes I am relieved I didn’t waste too much time on those winners.
Now back to the topic at hand, how to they that wait can have confidence while waiting.
After watch Ms. B’s video, I realized I had chosen both logic (the brain) and magic (the heart). My initial decision to wait was birthed out of teenage heartbreak (a high school crush who didn’t reciprocate mutual feelings) and daddy-less daughter drama, in walks logic and voila you have a bright eyed teen attempting to avoid starting her own baggage collection business. HA! (I laugh because we are all born with carry on luggage)
So to successfully dodge heart shaped bullets; I made a decision to wait until my special guy entered my life and we would fall madly in love (while all the birds were chirping) and would get married and have lots of great sex and cute cuddly babies!
Speaking of babies, I am also the oldest of my siblings and I got to do quite a bit of babysitting in my formative years. My siblings were the best birth control ever! I truly learned how much responsibility babies could be. At first my logic was easy to walk out and I had other friends who had made the same pledge.
Then came another formative moment when the magic of my choice began, I had decided to accept Christ and became a Christian at 18, right before college. Yay!
This is when things became interesting, my pledge support system was no longer around and I had to make a real clear choice as to why I was choosing abstinence. I was going to be confident in it and would it takes to not set myself up for failure in fulfilling this desire.
Truth is you have to be sure of who you are and know this lifestyle is for you regardless if people pressure you, put you down or call you out in class, sigh, this has happened to moi, and walk confidently with your head high.
On the real, yes, I have sexual thoughts and feelings and because of that I have learned the importance of personal boundaries.
I choose not to read certain books, listen to certain music, and go to certain places (or stay too long). I am not naïve, I have attended plenty of sex seminars (informationals) on sexual health and preventive care and I have a gynecologist. I think it’s important to be educated but you can learn without compromising your values, mental, spiritual or physical well-being.
I already know when I get married I’m going to be cray-cray over my hubby, best believe it. Sex will do that to you.
Also, I want to mention my thoughts on masturbation. While it is not intercourse, it’s (from what I’ve been told) like opening up Pandora’s box. It’s the gateway activity before sex. So why would I make it harder for me to wait? That’s like me being a Biggest Loser contestant who enjoys licking the salt off my favorite brand of potato chips then putting the rest of the chips back in the bag all while on a fast! One word… TEMPTATION. Which leads to a big #fail. No thanks.
If I haven’t pissed you off yet or have made you roll your eyes, congrats! You made it to the end this posting which will self-destruct in 5 seconds but before you go just know if you’re waiting, you’re not alone in this world. There are many of us who reside in district 9.
Until next time my friends …